Don't Drive If You Are Blind AND Deaf!

It was early on a damp and cold morning when my boyfriend and I left the house to go to work last Thursday. Nearing a hump on the road just outside my house, a black-colored Proton Wira was stopped on top of it and we just assumed that the driver will ease over the hump in the next few seconds but as we drew nearer to the car, we realized in horror that the person at the wheel must be either sleeping or too dumb to handle a car as it was actually going backwards! We immediately sounded the honk but it fell on deaf ears as we soon heard a BANG! A nice day spoilt in that very instant! Note that we can't reverse either as there was another car following close behind us.

We stopped by the side of the road to check on the damages but the driver just proceeded to drive away as if nothing happened. We took note of the number plate. I can't see the driver though but I was quite sure I'd be able to find him or her as he or she must be someone living in the nearby apartment blocks or terrace houses. I swore to myself I'm gonna hunt him or her down if that's the last thing I'd do before I die. I just cannot let someone walk away like that from me after damaging my property and spoiling my nice morning drive. It's not about the money but my nerves need soothing. Even an apology would be nice but I needed someone to take accountability for the damages.

I couldn't believe just how easy it was to find the culprit as I spotted the black Proton Wira with the exact same number plate parked in front of a terrace house on my way home later that night. Judging from the decorations outside the house, the driver must have been an Indian. I knocked on the gate and an Indian guy came out wearing only shorts and looking bewildered. Without further ado, we asked if that is his car and when he said yes, we mentioned about the accident earlier that morning but he looked even more bewildered. Apparently, the wife is the one using the car to go to work every morning.

'Macha' trotted back inside and as we waited outside the gate, we can hear a husband who was surprised and feeling betrayed that his wife hid the accident from him and an angry and defensive wife who thought she don't have to pay when she damages other people's properties. When he finally came out from the house, he offered to pay RM50 for the very noticeable sratches to our much more expensive car's front bumper and then proceeded to very smugly ask us to report the accident to the police if we're not happy with the amount as we'd be in the wrong anyway. Said how he haven't gotten his salary for next month and how expenses are rising since it's near Deepavali, as if I would sympathise when his wife didn't even bother about MY property. Puh-lease! Only reconfirms my opinion that you're a loser, sucker!

As we bargain back and forth, the wife came out looking very much like the stupid broad that she is. She immediately when switched on her defensive mode again and very arrogantly declared that she didn't hit our car at all! The nerve. Luckily she was behind the gate else I would have gorged her eyes out! Grr!! I pointed out that she should have seen our car from the rearview mirror and hit the brakes when we honked and she replied saying she didn't hear any honking. Arrgghhhh!!! Voices started to be raised and it's apparently clear to me that she thinks she's not at fault at all for reversing into our car. Dumb bitch!

We decided to take the RM50 as arguing with these kinda morons isn't going anywhere and as no apologies were forth coming from both, I just had to rub it in a little before we left the house. I told her what a bad driver she is and how I would steer clear of the road whenever I see the same number plate again. Then I told her to look at the rearview mirror before she reverses and take note when people honks at her unless she's deaf. Oh boy, did she get upset or what! Her husband was hurrying to stuff her back into the house before it got ugly. I'm pleased now that she's pissed! Muahahaha!

Hamsap Old Fart

Many have been asking when I'm gonna update my blog after such a long absence. Then, there are also people who have been asking me for movie reviews before they book tickets to the cinema ever since I shredded 'Alexander' to pieces in an earlier posting. I'm flattered really but I just don't have much time nowadays to blog. Nonetheless, I shall keep my fans (and enemies alike) happy by churning out a post or two from time to time.

Recently, I have been having problems with my SmartTag as I haven't upgraded my Touch 'n Go card to the new one and as I made a stop at their office one fine morning on my way to work, I encountered a few middle-aged men facing similar predicaments. A few small talks were going around and I just smiled and politely nodded my head now and then while giving away some non-committal replies. I was asked to fill up my particulars before the change was made for my card and that's when I noticed that one particular 'uncle' next to me was peering very intently across the glass divider down to where our forms laid.

Giving him the benefit of the doubt, I just assumed that he was looking at his own form but I grew wary when I noticed that this particular old geezer is suddenly very friendly towards me. As his turn was right after me, I watched as he suddenly dashed out to his Toyota Camry and that's when the bitter truth hits me. I have no doubt in my mind then that he was going to get his business card, introduce himself to me and ask for my phone number. Don’t ask me how I know, I just did.

I turned back to the teller in horror and rushed her to process my form faster but it was too late. Old geezer was happily trotting back with his business card in hand as I was about to get in my car and stopped me. To make him disappear from my sight faster as I don't intend to date people who are old enough to be my dad, I gave him my phone number which I was going to discontinue soon as I was getting myself a new number.

Uncle seemed happy with and I quickly reversed my car and sped away. He SMS-ed me a few hours later which got no reply from me. This was 2 weeks ago and yesterday I checked my old number for messages, and lo and behold, there's an SMS from his so-called secretary using his number asking to fix an appointment with me. Hmmm, wonder what the fuck he's up to.

I just don't understand this, what's with older guys and younger girls? Why do older men see us as trophies to be dangling from their arms? I bet uncle has a family waiting back at home for him and probably a mistress or two as well and now he wants yet another younger model? Totally despicable!

Friendly or too friendly?

I have been working for about 1 month plus now in a new company. Gotten friendly with some fellas while a few wankers remained aloof even when I make the effort to be friends. However, last week I was flabbergasted when I checked my company's email inbox. Screaming out from the list was an email addressed to me by a new colleague I had barely spoken 10 words to. Just had a brief exchange of hellos, names and departments with him the week before. We're from different departments and located on different floors. The contents of the email goes like this (with names omitted to protect the innocent) :

This is the same nerdy guy who sheepishly slipped me his personal contact number a few days before or after the email. I don't remember which one now. Yo dude! What do you mean my head looked luminous?! Like I have a halo over it? What the hell is up with the Feng Shui thingy? And what's with the truth? What truth? Obviously I emailed back and demanded for a satisfactory explanation but he just lied saying he had forgotten why he wrote that in the first place. Yea right! Like how you forget to wash your hands for dinner after you've sticked it in your ass all day?

Now don't get me wrong, I have nothing against being friendly. But being weird? That's another ball game altogether now. Get a life!

I'm NOT interested!!!

Don’t you just hate people who are insincere? We all would have been unfortunate enough at one point or another of our lives to have met people like that. These are the long-lost friends who do not invite you for their weddings but call you up for drinks or dinners out of the blue one day because they had just forayed into the insurance or direct-selling business and are out looking for preys.

I have totally zero respect for people like these scumbags of the universe. Not only are these disillusioned fools insincere in wanting to rekindle those freezing, ice-cold, finger-numbing friendships they have with us but they have a face with the thickness unequalled even by the LENGTH of the Great Wall of China. I can smell their insincerities a mile away and it stinks!

Now even though I fully understand that they are also just trying to eke out a living, I’m unlike some nicer folks who will willingly part with their money and time with enough sweet-talking and fake smiles invested by the Agents of Filth. Don’t ever expect me to be all nice to them and get myself yet another insurance or the miracle wok which can help me become a better cook or every Stepford wife’s secret wish of a super cleaning dish washing detergent or anything else from them as a matter of fact.

Last but not least, if I hadn’t bothered with how well you have been living your life for the past century, whatever possessed you to make you think that I will be interested to contribute even an ounce of energy towards making your current career any better? Please don’t give me all that bullshit about how your product is going to help me improve my life either. It would improve automatically if you would just get the hell out of it. Thank you very much.

Top 10 Signs Your Company Sucks

Top 10 signs you should be resigning from your current company:

10) Company only gives you a tight-ass 8 days of annual leave when the nationwide acceptable standard is at 14 days.

9) Official company emails or newsletters might come in Mandarin when the official language is English and the person-in-charge will tell you he’s "too busy" to translate or that his English is not good enough when you point out that there are other poor souls who do not understand Mandarin working in the same company.

8) You have to sit through a whole day training conducted in Mandarin when the facilitator clearly knows that several others in the training also do not comprehend.

7) You have to work every Saturday, not even alternate Saturday, when even government officers only work a 5-days work week now.

6) Manager sends email to call for a department meeting in half an hour’s time when he’s seated barely a few feet away from his staff.

5) Manager does not talk to you or any other of his female staff unless forced to.

4) Manager gives unintelligible answers when his staff asks him questions. Even vendors are dumbfounded by the lack of grammar or perhaps vocal chords.

3) Manager is such a cheapskate bastard that he pretends he’s invisible when it comes to paying time or that his wallet is filled with humongous rocks even when everyone have made it clear that everybody’s going Dutch on the meal.

2) Manager asks you to sign a contract which the management knows nothing about to bind you to the company for a whole year and you get to have your salaries DEDUCTED if you cannot complete a major company project in the time stipulated in the contract AND work LONGER hours EVERY FREAKING DAY except for Sundays (Remember that you already work till 1pm every Saturday).

1) Manager looks vague all the time but is actually a scheming-plotting-lying coward that cowers and pisses in his pants if he so much as having to face off with another more vocally-inclined manager from other departments, even if that manager is a teeny-weeny bit of a girl who’s no more than 4 feet tall.

Dating Life VS Working Life

If you peek close enough, working life actually has many similarities with dating life. Both starts out with you checking out the potentials. Some might make you pitch a tent in your pants while a fraction of others might be less appealing than watching a snail crawl. You go for the kill and if you are lucky, you get a respond. The first interview is very much like your first date. If your date likes you, you then get to have more dates with him or her till you are actually "hired" for the job.

You start both relationships with high hopes and expectations, full of dreams, dressing your best and putting your best foot forward. You get to know the rest in the family as time goes by and over time, you might slack a bit, put on some weight or you might not. Depends how much you like what you have gotten yourself into in the first place or how well the ship you hopped on turned out to be. Breakups and job-hopping goes hand-in-hand and they're so common nowadays.

If you stick around and as the days turn into months and months into years, you'll feel that all your efforts, blood, sweat and tears should be rewarded with something more. You began seeking for increments, bonuses and promotions, much like upgrading your status from boyfriend/girlfriend to fiance/fiancee to husband/wife. A promotion would mean taking more responsibilities and more people under your wings. For married couples, this would mean having babies or even pets if you are so inclined.

It doesn't end here though. As with every relationships, we need to continually improve ourselves to keep our job or we get the boot. So, the next time you are stucked in a dead-end job or depressing relationship but too confused or lame to take remedial actions, try looking at it from a different point of view. If your dirty, lowly-paid, toilet-cleaning, no-future job is your girlfriend, wouldn't you have not hesistated to dump her on the spot or if your abusive, whiny, cheapskate of a boyfriend is your job, wouldn't you have thrown in that resignation letter in his face and spit on him for good measure long ago?

OK, enough profound thoughts in a day for me. I can only go so long without dissing another poor soul. Kidding. You think about this though. Adios!

Bang! Bang! Still Nerdy!

Haven't had the time to blog lately since I just started a new job but last Saturday while wandering around inside the arcade centre of Sunway Pyramid which used to be Sega Universe with my boyfriend as we waited for the movie Batman Begins to start, I saw a guy that was just begging for some space in these pages. Ho ho ho, wish granted boy!

There he was, a nerdy looking Chinese bloke with dark-rimmed spectacles standing right smacked in the centre of the arcade shooting up the undeads. Now what strike me as odd is how he positioned himself while playing the simulation game. He was holding 2 guns, playing both the Player 1 and Player 2 and standing at least a feet away from the gun stand as if expecting the zombies to jump out from the screen and maul him anytime soon.

The next thing he did really made me laughed out loud. He suddenly crossed his hands at the wrist and starts shooting at the screen ala James Bond cum The Matrix. He then uncrosses them and continues shooting and then it happenned again. He tucked one gun under his armpit in rapid fire fashion and kept shooting with the other only to pull out the tucked gun again and shoots only to cross his hands at the wrists again all the while turning his head to the left and checking out some unknown imaginary bystanders.

This crossing-uncrossing-tucking-untucking gun slinging action cycle goes on for a good half an hour in the least and he was gaining a crowd of "fans", most of whom were standing around with bemused grins of their faces. Hard to find a guy who so unabashedly display his complete devotion to a game called The House of the Dead in front of a pool of complete strangers really. Damn entertaining I tell you.

Too bad my camera phone doesn't come with video recording functions.