Thursday, January 22, 2004

Secret Diaries of Gullible People III

The Very Secret Diary of Mo Wan Lun: (courtesy of Dafthamsta)

Day 1: Dirt poor, owe Tai Kor Seng money and threatened with gay rape if I don’t pay up soon. Pervy backside-fancier Ah Seng, always pretending to be macho, but we all know he’s gay. Will start cult to fleece unsuspecting victims so I can pay Ah Seng back.

Day 2: Got 20 dumbos to sign up for Green Dragon Cult. I say they’re dumb coz 10 thought that the cult is about mahjong, 3 asked about feng shui and the rest thought they were joining a Dragon boat team. Told them to fuck their way to heaven.

Day 3: Total number of customers: 80. Not bad. State of finances: Good. Can pay Ah Seng back soon. Yayy! Go me!

Day 40: Finally paid Ah Seng off. He was pouting coz he probably can’t shag me in the bum, the pervy backside-fancier. Saw him nancing around with one of the girls just now, talking about how good he looks with blusher. Reluctantly gave him 10% discount card if he ever wants to patronize Green Dragon. As if he’d get it on with a chick.

Day 60: Total number of customers: 100. Go me! Gullible Girls getting edgy… kept asking about when they’re going to heaven. Told them to sleep with more men before they can reach their heavenly quota.

Day 107: Got busted by cops. Stupid cops. Gullible Girls finally agreed when cute cop told them something about seeing St Peter at the local courthouse. Love cute men in uniform, especially when he snapped the cuffs on me.

Thursday, January 22, 2004

Secret Diaries of Gullible People II

The Very Secret Diaries of Cute Butt Cop:

Day 1: Met my new superior today. Pervy old man kept staring at my granite butt.

Day 2: Noticed am the cop with the cutest butt around. Pervy superior so obviously wants to shag me. Will hold out longer.

Day 3: Keep getting hit on by my colleagues left, right and center. Can`t cope.

Day 5: Assigned to work the Green Dragon Cult case. Men can be SO silly. Why wanna shag a girl when they can have guys? Men! Can never understand them.

Day 12: Been tailing Mo Wai-Lun. Had to resist urge to tell him that green is SO not his color and big gold chains and watch looks SO tacky!

Day 20: Green Dragon Cult busted. Girls can be even sillier! Mo Wai-Lun kept on placing handcuffed hands on my lap during the ride back to the police station. Kinda liked it actually.

Day 22: Mo Wai-Lun was sent to prison. So sad to see him leave. Will go see if pervy superior is free tonight.

Thursday, January 22, 2004

Secret Diaries of Gullible People

If some of you haven't noticed already, I'm a big fan of LOTR. The news report below had prompted me to write a Secret Diaries ala LOTR of the gullible people involved.

The Secret Diaries of Gullible Women #1:

Day 1: Bored out of my skull. No purpose in life.

Day 2: Met a very nice guy named Mo Wan-Lun. Runs a cult or something.

Day 3: Joined Green Dragon Temple cult. Met a lot of similar minded souls there. Even got T-shirt that says "Green Dragon Temple". Nice!

Day 4: Told to my way to heaven. Sounds like a good deal to me.

Day 5: Number of men slept with : Eight. Not in heaven.

Day 6: Number of men slept with : Eleven. Still not in heaven. . . .

Day 20: Number of men slept with : Fifteen. Not even close to heaven. . . .

Day 100: Number of men slept with : Twenty. Am losing sight of heaven.

Day 107: Got busted. Cops SO silly!

Thursday, January 22, 2004

Promised Heaven, but Given Hell

This is a news report I copied from the online version of the Malaysian 'The Star' newspaper, dated 16 January 2004.


HONG KONG: A cult here lured women into working as prostitutes by promising them places in heaven if they slept with enough men, a news report said yesterday. Women snared by the cult had to work 12 hours a day having s3x with at least 10 men, according to the South China Morning Post. All their money went to the Green Dragon Temple Cult which promised them a place in heaven once they earned HK$500,000 (RM243,000). The cult told the women it recruited they would become goddesses when the world ended once they had entered heaven, the newspaper said. Police were yesterday hunting the alleged cult leader Mo Wan-lun and five other men after the arrest of three cult members, a woman and two men, on Monday. Five women aged between 20 and 40 working for the cult in brothels in Hong Kong's red light districts were rescued. – dpa


I seriously don't understand how people can be SO gullible! This probably took place during the rescue:

Police Office: *bursting through the door* Don't worry maam, you're in safe hands now.

Gullible Woman#1: *confused look* You're God?

PO: No, maam. I'm a Hong Kong Wong Kar Keng Chak (Police Officer). I'm here to rescue you.

GW: Rescue me? But I'm halfway to heaven! Mo Wan-Lun already 'chup' (reserve) a place for me there.

PO: He is a liar. You can't prostitute your way to heaven! Please follow me to the police car, maam.

GW: No! No! I still wanna go to heaven! *starts sobbing*

PO: *losing patience* Fine! You need to go downstairs with me now. Messengers of God are waiting there.

GW: *beaming* OK!