Thursday, January 22, 2004

Secret Diaries of Gullible People III

The Very Secret Diary of Mo Wan Lun: (courtesy of Dafthamsta)

Day 1: Dirt poor, owe Tai Kor Seng money and threatened with gay rape if I don’t pay up soon. Pervy backside-fancier Ah Seng, always pretending to be macho, but we all know he’s gay. Will start cult to fleece unsuspecting victims so I can pay Ah Seng back.

Day 2: Got 20 dumbos to sign up for Green Dragon Cult. I say they’re dumb coz 10 thought that the cult is about mahjong, 3 asked about feng shui and the rest thought they were joining a Dragon boat team. Told them to fuck their way to heaven.

Day 3: Total number of customers: 80. Not bad. State of finances: Good. Can pay Ah Seng back soon. Yayy! Go me!

Day 40: Finally paid Ah Seng off. He was pouting coz he probably can’t shag me in the bum, the pervy backside-fancier. Saw him nancing around with one of the girls just now, talking about how good he looks with blusher. Reluctantly gave him 10% discount card if he ever wants to patronize Green Dragon. As if he’d get it on with a chick.

Day 60: Total number of customers: 100. Go me! Gullible Girls getting edgy… kept asking about when they’re going to heaven. Told them to sleep with more men before they can reach their heavenly quota.

Day 107: Got busted by cops. Stupid cops. Gullible Girls finally agreed when cute cop told them something about seeing St Peter at the local courthouse. Love cute men in uniform, especially when he snapped the cuffs on me.