Freeloader Superstar

I was watching Alan Tam's and Hacken Lee's concert on TV while waiting for my mom to get ready during the recent holiday. Duo was happily prancing around on stage and the mob crowd was flattening one another in an attempt to shake their hands. Actually more like slapping hands but who cares? It's a bacteria-infested-2-seconds touch from the stars after all.

Nothing very interesting and I was about to change the channel when I saw that not only are the crowd waving their hands in their feeble attempts to come in contact with the stars, they are frantically waving 'ang pows' (red packets with money giving out by the Chinese during the 15 days of Chinese New Year).

Hacken: "I'm not talking to a cheapo!"

I watched with amusement as these people eagerly offer the ang pows to the two in return for a brief contact. What a bunch of losers! Not only are they making the already rich duo richer from attending the not-so-cheap concert but they are giving them more money! What a life! It's good to be a superstar.

Of course, it's their money and some ang pows are probably empty or just filled with a piece of red paper for good luck for all we know but what disgust me is how Alam Tam went around collecting them with glee. He even had a huge slingbag like the ones favored by schoolgirls strapped across the shoulder! The guy has no shame! Hacken Lee was much better, at least he looked suitably grateful for the nice gestures from his fans and he didn't walk around singing with a huge pink slingbag with bling-bling.

What's with the big bag Alan? Shame on you!

Porridge Guy

Now this posting is purely to update those of you have been unfortunate enough to be fascinated with freaky Date No. 1 after reading my Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon posting a few months back.

Well, ever since the porridge stint, I haven't heard or seen Mr. Porridge Guy except for the occasional SMS. I've noticed that he always SMS me on the weekends. He's partial to Saturday/Sunday morning SMSs. A typical SMS goes like this, "The weather is hot, drink more water" or "Drink more water, the weather is hot" or some variations to that effect. So duh!!

If it's not about the weather or water, then it'll be some corny forwarded SMS with the typical ASCII bear which I promptly delete upon receival. Wasting space on my inbox really. The guy's SO creative, SO original! NOT! Someone need to learn that he's not going to get a girl from weather+water SMSs and forwarded SMSs which countless others have received before. I'm not easy to impress.

Recently he SMS-ed telling me he just got back from a business trip in Hong Kong (which I doubt) and that he wants to meet me to give me a Christmas present which he bought there. Not interested!! I was paranoid for a while. Worried that he might show up outside my bedroom window again at night with Christmas present in one hand and heaven forbids, porridge in the other.

He still claims eternal love and profess everlasting adoration for yours truly even after 3 long, unsuccessful years. Not a quitter this one. A few days ago, I discovered that someone had been cutting little pieces out of my new Hush Puppies cotton panties from the clothing line again (click here for related story). Hmm, could it be the whack job at work?

Hypocrites Are Abound

Take a good look at the mug shots of the four old schmucks standing next to a big mock cheque donating money to the recent tsunami victims below taken from a local newspaper on Wednesday, 29th December, 2004. Now, what exactly that you find disturbing about that picture? Nothing you say? Nice suits... nice ties... they are doing their bit in society by donating money to help the tsunami victims... don't look too pervy. Eckkk, wrong. All wrong. They look like Star Trek ambassadors-wannabes with the 'visors' on? Haha, close but eckkk, you missed again.

"Smile! You're on Candid Camera!"

Did you not see the huge smirks on their faces???! I flipped the papers and see many other similar pictures. Company directors, managing directors, CEOs, chairmans, etc presenting big mock cheques to charity organisations while sporting the same stupid grins. Talk about being unappropriate and why the fuck would you need to present your donation in such a fashion other than to promote your company? Wipe those stupid grins out of your faces, you despicable pissheads! 140,000 people have perished as of today and you are so happy about it huh? "Deepest condolences and sympathies" my foot! Scumbags!

Likewise, I was watching the news report on the tsunami disaster on television the other day and it totally disgust me to see how some politicians were grinning from ear to ear as they slipped in some money into the donation box while posing for the cameras. A small polite smile might still be acceptable but grinning and laughing???! That's just totally unappropriate when so many people have died! Why don't you put up the 'V' sign while you are at it, dumbass?! I really wanna award them with two tight slaps! I hope people spit on their graves when they kick the bucket. Heck, throw a party at their expense!

Same goes for the countless companies who are using the gimmick of offering a 'portion' of their sales to the tsunami aid funds. If you qenuinely want to help, why not offer 'all' the proceeds from your sales? What's a little dip in profit to feed a hungry, homeless, orphan child? As for the dipshits who bought from these companies under the pretext of doing so for charity, why don't you skip buying the product altogether and donate all that money to charity instead? Do you really need that extra shirt, shoes, sofa, dildo?

I think all of them should be thrown into jail for not practising basic decency and made to share a bunk bed with a huge, dirty, unshaven gay cellmate with a pension for nipples-biting and balls-gnawing. See how they smile then.

Tsunami Disaster

When I first heard the news about the tragedy on Monday morning, tears welled up in my eyes as what happened when I first heard the news of 911 on the radio in the year 2001. Over the next few days, my heart sank as the death toll rises. My holiday mood is dampened each time the figure climbs. The Grim Reaper has been keeping himself busy.

It is not suprising to hear people from all walks of life talking about it in office, restaurants, pubs, schools, cafes and what-have-yous. Therefore, when the topic came up during my lunch break today, I was seeing red when I heard this most insensitive comment on the matter from a numbskull, "People died. So what?". He isn't joking either.

My immediate reaction was to put down my chopsticks, give him the famous Scorpion death stare and as calmly as I can, said, "Well, that's easy for you to say!!! None of your loved ones are involved in the tragedy!!! If your family and friends are now dead or lying with some serious injuries in the hospital beds from the tsunami tragedy then you wouldn't be saying 'So what?' anymore!!!"

The air was still as I waited for a response. Silence. My boyfriend sensing the tension in the air rubbed my arm and tried to diffuse the situation with some kind words. Now what irks me about people like the useless sack of wine I call a colleague is that they simply shoots off without thinking. Their little, tiny, itsy-bitsy grey matter tells them that making such remarks makes them appear detached and cool about the whole situation. Well, I got news for you mister, it just slammed a big L on your forehead.

Same goes for the other puny-brained masses who blindly forward emails with pictures and video recordings of the tragedy. Instead of wasting bandwidth and time, why don't you maggots make good use of those fingers and clicked some money into the disaster funds set up all over the world now? For those of you in Malaysia, you can help through various means. Divert your attention here from the porn and stupid jokes in your inbox for a while to help when it really matters.

I know I've done my part. Have you?

Weirdness is a Disease

Is it just me or is the world filled with weirdos lurking in every little nook and corner? To further prove my point that weirdness is very much alive and kicking this part of town, I've compile a little list of the strange encounters I've had lately.

Wednesday, 15th December 2004, 8:35pm

Sitting down and enjoying my dinner, a Chinese family with the mom and dad and their 4 little princesses was shown to the table next to mine. Imagine my suprise when one of the little girls propped down right next to me and and clinged on for dear life. Being in a good mood then, I patted her head and nodded and smiled to the embarassed parents. But then throughout the dinner, the little girl asked me stuff about my handbag, my cutleries, etc. She even tried pinching me a few times but was unsuccessful! The mom eventually had to switch places with her so that I can have my dinner in peace. Little Ms High-Strung found her next victim in the couple seated on her other side of the table. Well, at least it's not me anymore.

Saturday, 18th of December 2004, 5:50pm

Returning from the beach after a fun dip in the sea, I was trying to shower off the sand on my feet when horrors greeted me in the form of a Malay woman dressed in a 'baju kurung' under the said shower happily washing a pair of pink-colored underwear. Yucks yucks yucks!!! To top it off, several bystanders were grinning away upon seeing the disgusted look I had on my face. Ignorant sick village bastards!

Monday, 20th December 2004, 12:55pm

Going up the escalator in a hypermarket, I saw a Malay woman with a small kid up ahead of me. Suddenly she just threw down a pair of shoes to the floor below. However, she and the kid still had their shoes on. Strange, but true.

Tuesday, 21st December 2004, 1:20pm

Heard from my friends that an imbecilic couple whom I had the misfortune of knowing in the past are asking them to join in for a Japanase-style dinner for Christmas this year. One isn't going for he still wants his turkey while another just giggled herself silly. Now who died and made Santa a Jap? Rudolpo eato sushi???

So, question is, are you infected?

Man Boobs and Protuding Nipples

In one of the Seinfeld episodes, The Doorman, George and Kramer were horrified to discover that George's father had man boobs :

GEORGE : My father opened his shirt...

JERRY: Yeah, and?

GEORGE: Tell him, Kramer.

KRAMER: He had breasts.

JERRY: What d'you mean, breasts?

GEORGE: Big breasts!

JERRY: So what? A lot of older men have that.

KRAMER: No, not these. These were real hooters.

GEORGE: I was throwing up all night. It was like my own personal Crying Game.

I didn't think much of it until a few weeks earlier, I saw a guy with not big jugs but extreme, protuding nipples! It was poking out shamelessly from his chest to his T-shirt and landed on my line of sight nearly blinding me. Holy cow! The two mini-towers must have been at approximately 1cm long each! Pornstars around the world are shamed by this discovery. Tsk tsk tsk.

His friends and him were seated right next to my table and he was parading his tits around the whole night. I checked the temperature and decided that it wasn't that cold in the deli that night to make them stand so upright. I bet one can even hang a picture frame on them, quite securely too I might add.

So perhaps Kramer's invention called 'The Bro' or 'The Manssiere' in the episode is mandatory for these men to keep their uhm, assets, safe from public viewing and help hapless souls like me and George keep their food down longer.

The 'Old' Hello Kitty Invasion

Is pink the new black?

I was having lunch inside this restaurant when I caught sight of someone wearing a cheerful-bumble-gum-pink baby tee with bold "I LOVE PINK" letters in print. She was also wearing pink lipstick and carrying a bright pink bag with matching pink color shoes to boot. Now you'd be forgiven if you picture a sweet, albeit brainwashed-by-Mattel little girl but this Hello Kitty species was a middle-aged cat with a perpetual scowl in need of a tummy tuck.

Feeling nauseous, I left the restaurant not long after that for a bit of fresh air and stopped for a drink inside another eatery with my friends later that same day only to find another woman in pink. This lollipop was even wrapped in pink. She had a pink shawl around her pink dress in a shopping mall. Is pink prescribed for menopausal women or what?

I think pink is a sweet color on little girls and maybe even young women but grandmothers dressing up like Barbie dolls from their greying head of hairs to their wrinkly toes just won't do. It's scary shit. You girls need to learn not to shop where your grandchildren does. Pretty in pink only applies when you are still receiving Hello Kitty toys and not when you are giving them away.

Go home ladies, change your outfit before Kent sues you for aging his beloved Barbie.